Cemetery Stories by Katherine Ramsland

The subtitle says it all – Cemetery Stories is about Haunted Graveyards, Embalming Secrets, and the Life of a Corpse After Death. It’s divided into three sections: “Workers of the Dead”, about undertakers, funeral home directors, embalmers, and the work they do; “Cemeteries, Tombs and Traditions”, which is pretty self-explanatory; and “Whispers and Shadows in the Night”, devoted to strange stories that have happened in or around cemeteries.

This description probably reminds you of Stiff by Mary Roach: Cemetery Stories was actually published a few years before, and from what I gather they aren’t actually that similar. While Stiff is mainly focused on what happens to human bodies after death, this book is mainly centred on funeral traditions (though there are some... unforgettable, let's say, bits about decaying corpses).

I have to say I wish I had read Stiff instead anyway, because the truth is that I just didn’t enjoy Cemetery Stories all that much. My main complaint is the structure: when I told you about the three parts, it all sounded very well-organized, didn’t it? Well, sadly it isn’t really. The three main sections are divided into further smaller sections, and none of them have any depth or really go anywhere. What this book truly is is a collection of short anecdotes about funerals, corpses, graveyards, and ghosts, and a few of them weren’t even interesting anecdotes.

The last section was the most chaotic, and I swear I’m not saying this because of the whole I-don’t-really-believe-in-ghost thing. I like reading about them, but some of the stories were just…pointless. I didn’t even understand what the strange happenings were supposed to be. Then others would end just when they were starting to get interesting. There’s also the writing style: there’s conversational, and then there’s careless-and-in-need-of-good-editing. Cemetery Stories borders on the second, I’m afraid.

Another thing that I found off-putting were the comments the author would sometimes make. I’m not sure if they were meant to be attempts at humour or what, but they can be described as extremely unfortunate at best (and disclaimer: I actually like dark humour). Example:

As part of a research assignment (not for witchcraft), I once witnessed an autopsy in progress. As I came into the sterile medical lab, I noticed bodies being prepared on several steel tables with holes for drainage. Two had already been cut open, including an obese woman, and the sight of her layers of fat reminded me of a whale. These people just didn’t look human.

First of all, comparing overweight people to whales: now there’s a novel simile. I’m sure nobody has heard that one before. Secondly, if I were feeling charitable I would assume that she means that dead bodies during an autopsy don’t look human, and not that obese people don’t look human. But the simple fact that it’s ambiguous is telling enough.

Not everything was bad, though: there were a few interesting stories about graveyards from all over the world, including the one about Oscar Wilde’s grave that Jenny shared the other day. Only it didn’t include the last bit, and Jenny tells it better anyway. So click the link and read it. You know you want to.

Sigh. Can’t love them all, right? On to my next book.

I'll leave you with a bit I won’t soon forget (warning: it’s pretty gruesome):

Whatever the case is, people who arrive at a death scene for a removal have to be prepared for anything. I heard of one situation where the police were called to investigate an overpowering odor in an abandoned building. They went in and found a male corpse lying spread-eagled and facedown on the floor of an apartment. He was in pretty bad shape; his soft tissues had decayed to the point that his skin, from his face to his lower torso, had glued him to the spot. They tied to pick him up, but he didn’t budge. They had to call for help and actually use shovels to finally pry him loose.

I’ve just typed this up as an attempt to exorcise it from my mind. I’m not sure whether it worked.

(Have you posted about this book too? If so, let me know and I’ll be glad to add your link here.)